“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself.
Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” ~Wayne Dyer
I still see that lonely child sitting on the pavement
waiting for mom to come from work. Knowing I have a brother and sister near by,
still didn’t take the loneliness away. I
had a father who worked away (seaman), and I think that made it worse. I had to
make some decisions in my young life to make me see things differently.
What is a daughter to do when you just want your father
to love you? Every time my dad came from sea I was so excited because I knew we
would have some fish to eat. I knew there would be money in the house. My mom
would have money in her purse and she can buy some nice things.
We moved from house to house. Constantly on the move and
the thought of ever settling down was endless. I wanted my own room because I
had ideas of what my room should look like, but it never happened.
Years later, having a family of my own I thank God for
what I’ve gone through. It was not easy at all because I had issues connecting
with people. I had thoughts of every
person coming into my life would leave immediately and I would be this lonely
person again. Not realising that for everything there is a purpose. You know,
if you don’t know Jesus Christ you will never have peace. You will never be
filled with that everlasting joy.
So many people have left me by the way side and I do
admit it was because of the bad attitude I had. It was because of the lies I
kept telling. It was because of all the hurt I’ve caused people. I don’t know
if you know this, but when you hurt you will keep on hurting other people. When
you no longer hurt, you can serve and love those who are hurting freely.
We all have a choice today. We don’t have to go through life
hurting and pitying ourselves. I met Jesus Christ and He has taught me how to let
go of the hurt. He has taught me how to love and not to expect anything in
return.
A few years back, I met a young woman. What came out of
her mouth was so powerful and so true. I would call her an extra ordinary Life
Coach. She might not know this but whatever came out of her mouth, was so firm(sometimes hurtful but true). I started
writing it down. It was a powerful truth. That was another choice I made. I
said to myself, “If it works for her, surely it has to work for me”. I met a guy and he was speaking the very same
things and I knew this is God.
I started writing in a journal every day to get through life
and understand myself better. One night I was feeling down, but I wanted to
steer my thoughts in a positive direction. I started making a list of things I
would learn.
They included things like not dwelling on the negative,
loving myself, being confident, and being less critical of myself. In the
middle of the list I wrote the words:
“I can choose what affects me.”
By the time I finished the list those words lingered. I
repeated them over and over out loud. Every time I said them I felt more
powerful. I felt more control over my life.
I can choose what affects me.
I can choose to not be damaged.
I can choose to not be afraid.
I can choose to look at mistakes as learning experiences.
I can choose to be confident.
I can choose to be happy.
I can choose to feel loved.
I can choose.
I CHOOSE TO SERVE JESUS
Every time I said a phrase I felt a chill in my body.
Tears started flowing, but I wasn’t really crying. It felt like they were
escaping; like I was letting go of this deep sadness I’ve carried for so long.
It was an awakening: a healing. It was one of the most
significant and amazing experiences in my life.
In His Love
Leslene
